


I Hate it When it Rains

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst, Canon, Drama, Episode Related, M/M, Season/Series 03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-12-29
Updated: 2004-12-29
Packaged: 2018-12-27 00:20:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12069930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Set a couple of months after Brian and Justin broke up at the Rage Party.  Justin is watching it rain, which brings unwanted thoughts.





	I Hate it When it Rains

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

*************************************************************************************************************

The rain has always reminded me of Brian, ever since the first day I met him. It’s just like him. Some days it’s angry, coming down in torrents, but other days it’s barely there, falling in little droplets, refreshing every thing it lands on. Sometimes you need shelter from it, while other days you feel comfortable enough to go out and dance in it. 

It’s an indispensable part of life. Everyone needs rain—everyone except me. I don’t need Brian anymore. Why am I even troubling myself by thinking about him? Oh yes, because it’s raining. Again. It always seems to be raining now.

I should really stop looking out the window and do something more constructive. I’m just torturing myself anyway. It’s no use though. Even if I wanted to get away from it I couldn’t, because Ethan’s curtain rod is broken. 

Speaking of Ethan, I’m wondering why he hasn’t disturbed me yet. I think it’s because he’s practicing. Ah yes that’s it, I can hear him now that I’ve actually stopped to listen. That fucking instrument gets stroked a lot more than I do. That’s my fault though, for giving Ethan the cold shoulder so much lately. Why do I do that? Okay, I know why I do that, but I’m not going to admit it to myself or him.

The rain’s coming down a little harder now. I’d like to think of it as Brian’s tears falling down hard because he lost me, but I know that’s not true. Brian would never cry over me, especially since he’s the one who practically shoved me out the door and out of his life perpetually. 

I think I’ll let myself pretend that he does cry for me, even though it’s probably twisted to get pleasure from someone else’s pain. If the bastard is in pain though he deserves it, he should feel as bad as I do. Not that I feel bad—I’m in love with someone who loves me and isn’t afraid to tell me. I have everything I wanted now, right?

I glance back over at Ethan who’s still practicing. I’ve never had so much time to think in my entire life. If Brian was here right now, we’d be fucking, not thinking and playing music. There’s no way I’d be watching the rain come down and thinking about someone I told myself means nothing to me anymore. 

I wish Brian—no, I wish Ethan would hold me and make me forget. I wish he would make me remember why I’m trying to forget. But of course Ethan’s much too busy practicing right now. 

I’m watching it rain the kind of rain that you need shelter from. It’s not letting up at all, so I can’t even go somewhere else. I’m stuck here, all alone with empty thoughts.

Ethan’s stopped playing now, because I can hear him putting his violin away. He’s made his way over to the window, and now I can feel him standing behind me. He’s not saying anything, just standing there. A couple of minutes pass. I can feel his eyes on me, but he’s still not saying anything. I wonder if he knows that something’s wrong. No, probably not, because Ethan’s not that perceptive, especially not when it comes to me.

I can’t tear my eyes away from the rain long enough to even glance at him.

He sits down and wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me into his lap. I don’t fight him. He kisses me on top of the head, and I take back my prior wish of wanting him to hold me. Still, if I pull away, he’ll know something’s up. So I just sit there, because I can’t explain to him what’s wrong with me, if I can’t even acknowledge it myself yet.

“Weather got you down?”

“I just don’t really like thunderstorms,” I never really liked anything that reminded me of something I can’t have anymore. I avoid turning around so I don’t have to see him.

“Well,” he says, “I think I know a way to take your mind off of it.” I can hear him grinning and I fight to keep myself from shuddering.

For some reason I don’t believe him. Besides, I don’t really feel like ‘taking my mind off of it.’ I peek out. 

The rain still isn’t slacking up. Ethan stands up and reaches for my hand, and I take it and let him pull me away from the window. I look back once more before he pushes me down on the bed. I stare up at him a little surprised, because with Ethan I’m the top, the one in control. Tonight it seems like he has other ideas. This time I let him, because I don’t have the energy or want to disagree tonight.

He pulls his shirt and pants off without taking his eyes off me. I lay there and wait for him to do the same to me, because I just don’t feel like moving right now. He does. He climbs the length of my body and kisses my lips gently. I try to kiss back in the most convincing way I can. I guess I do a good job pretending because he smiles really big at me. I smile back.

By now I’ve succumbed to the fact that not only are we going to have sex, oh no, but we are going to ‘make love’. This is one of Ethan’s most favorite things in the world. I can tell he wants to do it now by how slow he’s taking things. I don’t want to make love—if I have to do this at all, I’d rather it be a fast, hard fuck.

I reach up and yank Ethan down on top of me, forcing my tongue into his mouth in an almost painful kiss. I reach for his dick and I can feel that he’s already hard.

He pushes me back and swats my hand away.

“Justin, I want to make love to you, Baby. Don’t rush it; we have forever.” He kisses me softly.

Forever never seemed so long.

Ethan reaches over to the nightstand and pulls out a condom and some lube. He sits them on the floor beside the mattress and smiles at me. 

I groan inwardly as he travels lower down my body. He takes my cock in his hand and starts to leisurely stroke it. Against my will I let out a moan. A grin spreads across his face, and all I can think is that I’m so fucking easy.

Ethan suddenly takes me into his mouth and here I go again with the moaning. God I hate myself sometimes.

I look down and I see that Ethan has his eyes shut. I look over at the window and it’s raining even harder. It almost sounds like the roof will cave in. I think I wish it would. It doesn’t though, and I quit listening to it as I hear Ethan open the lube.

I close my eyes and try to be anywhere but here. The sound of the rain and the feeling of Ethan’s fingers sliding gently into my hole remind me of the night I lost my virginity to Brian. He was so careful, so slow with me. God I miss him so much.

I open my eyes to find Ethan watching me and putting on a condom. He slides it on and moves up to kiss me tenderly on the lips. I want to vomit. 

He wraps my legs around his waist, and I can see that he really wants to do this. I so do not want to, especially not face-to-face, but I can tell that he’ll have it no other way. I can feel him positioning himself outside my hole. He pushes in carefully, like he thinks he’ll hurt me, until he’s completely inside of me. I wish he’d just hurry up.

He starts thrusting in and out, agonizingly slow, all while placing little kisses on my neck, face, and lips. After ten minutes of this, I can’t take it anymore, and I push back to meet his thrusts. He grabs my sides to hold and slow me down. 

I finally just give up. I lay there staring up at the ceiling and let him do what he wants. This seems to make him happy.

I close my eyes again because I can feel his hand wrapping around my dick. I pretend it’s Brian holding it. When he starts stroking me I make believe it’s Brian’s palm and fingers wrapped tightly around me moving up and down as he moves in and out. 

I can just imagine his face; his eyes clouded over with lust, and his mouth slightly open as he fucks my brains out. No matter how Brian does it, slow or fast, it always leaves me incoherent.

He’s plunging in deeper and harder now, making those noises he makes. Noises Brian doesn’t make. I want to get this over with. This time he doesn’t stop me when I push back.

I hear the rain outside and I keep my eyes shut tightly. 

I imagine Brian grabbing me and pulling me into a passionate kiss like he always does. I pretend it’s him pulling almost all the way out and then ramming inside me deeper than I thought possible for him to go; touching my prostate with almost every thrust. And I imagine it’s him jerking me off, matching his frantic rhythm. 

I hear a clap of thunder and more rain. I open my eyes and pull Ethan’s face to mine, capturing his lips, so that the danger of my screaming Brian’s name is smothered. He keeps rubbing me, and I come all over his chest.

He doesn’t last much longer. After only two more thrusts he comes inside me, saying my name over and over, and that he loves me.

He collapses on top of me, and we’re both breathing heavily. After he catches his breath he pulls out of me and throws the condom away. I’m glad. I can’t pretend it’s Brian anymore, even if it is still raining.

I should be okay by now, it’s been fifteen minutes, but I can barely breathe. No one has topped me since Brian, and now I know why—no one can satisfy me like him. For some reason, I feel like I betrayed Brian. How stupid is that?

I wish Ethan would just go away right now, because I just want to be alone. All by myself with the rain. But he doesn’t, he just turns to face me and kisses my cheek.

“That was great.”

“Yeah,” I smile at him.

“Did it take your mind off the storm?”

I nod. “You always know what I need.” I lie.

He looks like he just won the lottery after I say that. I think he is more pathetic than me in some ways.

After a few minutes he yawns and I hope he’s tired, because I just don’t feel like basking in the afterglow. I praise God when he says he’s tired and goodnight.

After I’m sure that he’s asleep, I get up and make my way to the window again. I don’t bother being quiet, he’s a deep sleeper and won’t even know I’m gone. Brian could sense it even when I’d just roll over. 

He’s not Brian. I don’t have Brian now; I have Ethan.

I gaze out the window and see that the rain is slowing down now, but it still doesn’t look like it’s going to stop soon. I look at the clock by the bed and see that’s it’s just now eleven-thirty. Even if the rain stops it’ll be a while before the sun comes up. 

I put my hand on the glass. It’s so cold.

“Goodnight Brian,” I whisper. “I still love you.”

I take my hand from the glass and put it up to my cheek. It’s wet, but it doesn’t feel like I’ve been crying. I don’t bother to wipe the tears away.

I wonder if he’s thinking of me right now, or if he ever thinks about me. I wonder if he knows I still love him, and that I never stopped. I wonder if I he heard me, or if he did if he listened. 

I wish I knew what he was doing right now. I wish I knew if he still cared. I wish he was here right now, holding me.

I look back over at Ethan, and I decide I don’t really feel like sleeping right now. I go over to the bed and take my pillow, but I leave the blanket for him. 

I take it back with me and sit down. I open up the window just a crack so that I can feel the rain on my face.


End file.
